The Paper Cake: Where's Anne???

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Where's Anne???

I told quite a few of my friends that I had made a blog because I found it boring if no one reads my posts or comments. None of my friends seemed very interested in my pathetic blog and my lack of a life. I don't blame them, to be honest. XD IT'S STILL BORING THOUGH. I guess I'm doing this blog mainly for myself. And Anne. But she hasn't responded to my Facebook message. Where is she?? GRAWR!
I ended up not going to the party last night. I was too tired and had a headache and I just felt blahhhh. Apparently, I didn't miss out on much though.
Well, since I have nothing to talk about, I'll tell you about my day. :) Whoever you are. If there is a you... :'( *cries emo-ly* WHY ARE THERE SO MANY COLOURS??? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?!
11:39 am - Woke up.
11:51 am - Got up. Yes, I checked the exact time to tell all of my blog-readers today. Yes. Yes, I am lame.
11:55 am- Ate a wonderful, healthful breakfast of Captain Crunch! My favouritest cereal EVER.
I just realized I use caps lock WAYYY TOO MUCH. I'll stop now. I lied just there. D:
12:07 pm- Put on Alice in Wonderland! Johnny Depp for the win! <3 The original Alice in Wonderland from Disney has NO POINT WHATSOEVER. No matter what you think, Anne. I'm not saying it's not entertaining. It's just not... satisfactory? For me at least. Because I have standards. :D Ouch, I'm sorry about that Anne. That was below the belt.
When she finally reads this, she is going to see her name a lot. XD
2:38 pm - Went and got changed and put my face on, etc. A little late to be getting ready? SMD. 3:09 pm - Played video games! Naruto Ultimate Ninja 3! Oh yeahhh.
3:39 pm - Went to the Bottle Depot with my dad. All of our bottles came to about $28. My dad gave me $5 for helping. Thanks Pops.
4:10 pm - Went to the liquidation store Bianca Amor's. We didn't buy anything.
5:00 pm - Went to mass. Sometimes I like church and sometimes I don't. Today I did. It was nice.
6:00 pm - Came home.
6:10 pm - Went on computer.
7:56 pm - Stopped writing this ridiculous schedule of my day.
Yeah, I'm done. Cheer, hip hip hooray, blahdeeblahdeeblah.
Anyway, my dad bought Memoirs of a Geisha yesterday. I want to see it pretty bad. Who doesn't want to watch a movie about Chinese prostitutes??? But no, instead my dad put on Escape from L.A. Seems pretty stupid so far. And it has Kurt Russell. I don't like him.
But I like Russell Peters!
But not Russell Brand.
I need to stop.
Wow, I act like a TURD when I'm blogging. D:
I want to write more, but I can't really think of what to write. Maybe I'll go continue my story. I was thinking up ideas in church for it. :O Oopsie.
;P

4 comments:

AnonymousJuly 5, 2010 at 12:52 PM
I wanna see Memoirs of Geisha!!!!! D= I've wanted to see it ever since i saw the first trailer for it.
This is jess by the way.... >.>
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The Paper CakeJuly 5, 2010 at 2:43 PM
i figured XD we can watch it wednesday when you come here?
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peebsJuly 5, 2010 at 5:13 PM
BLAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH I RESPONDED BUT DIDN'T VERIFY IT.. AND IT WAS A LONG ONE. I'LL JUST CALL YOU <3
ReplyDelete
Replies
The Paper CakeJuly 5, 2010 at 11:47 PM
haha okay. :3 ur funneh.
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Robot Boy

Mr. and Mrs. Smith had a wonderful life.
They were a normal happy husband and wife.
One day they got news that made Mr. Smith glad.
Mrs. Smith would be a mom,
Which would make him the dad!
But something was wrong with their bundle of joy.
It wasn't human at all,
It was a robot boy!
He wasn't warm and cuddly
And he didn't have skin.
Instead there was a cold, thin layer of tin.
There were wires and tubes sticking out of his head.
He just lay there and stared,
Not living or dead.

The only time he seemed alive at all
Was with a long extension cord
Plugged into the wall.

Mr. Smith yelled at the doctor,
"What have you done to my boy?
He's not flesh and blood,
He's aluminum alloy!"

The doctor said gently,
"What I'm going to say
Will sound pretty wild.
But you're not the father
Of this strange looking child.
You see, there still is some question
About the child's gender,
But we think that it's father
Is a microwave blender."

The Smith's lives were now filled
With misery and strife.
Mrs. Smith hated her husband,
And he hated his wife.
He never forgave her unholy alliance:
A sexual encounter
With a kitchen appliance.

And Robot Boy
Grew to be a young man.

Though he was often mistaken
For a garbage can.

~Tim Burton

The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy

He proposed in the dunes,
They were wed by the sea,
Their nine day long honeymoon
Was on the isle of Capri.

For their supper they had one spectacular dish -
A simmering stew of mollusks and fish.
And while he savored the broth,
Her bride's heart made a wish.

That wish came true -
She gave birth to a baby.
But was this little one human?
Well, maybe.

Ten fingers, ten toes,
He had plumbing and sight.
He could hear, he could feel,
But normal?
Not quite.

This unnatural birth, this canker, this blight,
Was the start and the end and the sum of their plight.

She railed at the doctor:
"He cannot be mine.
He smells of the ocean, of seaweed and brine."

"You should count yourself lucky, for only last week,
I treated a girl with three ears and a beak.
That your son is half oyster
You cannot blame me.
... Have you ever considered, by chance,
A small home by the sea?"

Not knowing what to name him,
They just called him Sam,
Or sometimes,
"That thing that looks like a clam."

Everyone wondered, but no one could tell,
When would young Oyster Boy come out of his shell?

When the Thompson quadruplets espied him one day,
They called him a bivalve and ran quickly away.

One spring afternoon,
Sam was left in the rain.
At the southwestern corner of Seaview and Main.
He watched the rain water as it swirled
Down the drain.

His mom on the freeway,
In the breakdown lane,
Was pounding the dashboard -
She couldn't contain
The ever-rising grief,
Frustration,
And pain.

"Really, sweetheart," she said.
"I don't mean to make fun,
But something smells fishy
And I think it's our son.
I don't like to say this, but it must be said,
You're blaming our son for your problems in bed."

He tried salves, he tried ointments
That turned everything red.
He tried potions and lotions
And tincture of lead.
He ached and he itched and he twitched and he bled.

The doctor diagnosed,
"I can't quite be sure,
But the cause of the problem may also be the cure.
They say oysters improve your sexual powers.
Perhaps eating your son
Would help you do it for hours!"

He came on tiptoe,
He came on the sly.
Sweat on his forehead,
And on his lips - a lie.
"Son are you happy? I don't mean to pry,
But do you dream of Heaven?
Have you ever wanted to die?"

Sam blinked his eye twice,
But made no reply.
Dad fingered his knife and loosened his tie.

As he picked up his son,
Sam dripped on his coat.
With the shell to his lips,
Sam slipped down his throat.

The buried him quickly in the sand by the sea -
Sighed a prayer, wept a tear -
And they were back home by three.

A cross of grey driftwood marked Oyster Boy's grave.
Words writ in the sand
Promised Jesus would save.
But his memory was lost with one high-tide wave.

~Tim Burton

Mummy Boy

He wasn't soft and pink
With a fat little tummy;
He was hard and hollow,
A little boy mummy.

"Tell us, please, Doctor,
The reason or cause,
Why our gundle of joy
Is just a bundle of gauze."

"My diagnosis," he said.
"For better or worse,
Is that your son is the result
Of an old pharoah's curse."

That night they talked
Of their son's odd condition -
They called him "a reject
From an archaeological expedition."

They thought of some complex
Scientific explanation,
But assumed it was simple
Supernatural reincarnation.

With the other young tots
He only played twice,
An ancient game of virgin sacrifice.
(But the kids ran away, saying, "You aren't very nice.")

Alone and rejected, Mummy Boy wept,
Then went to the cabinet
Where the snack food was kept.

He wiped his wet sockets with his mummified sleeves,
And sat down to a bowl of sugar-frosted tanna leaves.

One dark, gloomy day,
From out of the fog,
Appeared a little white mummy dog.

For his newfound wrapped pet,
He did many things,
Like building a dog house
A la Pyramid of kings.

It was late in the day -
Just before dark.
Mummy Boy took his dog
For a walk in the park.

The park was empty
Except for a squirrel,
And a birthday party for a Mexican girl.

The boys and girls had al started to play,
But noticed that thing that looked like papier mache.

"Look, it's a pinata,"
Said one of the boys.
"Let's crack it wide open
And get the candy and toys."

They took a baseball bat
And whacked open his head.
Mummy Boy fell to the ground;
He finally was dead.

Inside of his head
Were no candy or prizes,
Just a few stray beetles
Of various sizes.

~Tim Burton

Stain Boy

Roy, the Toxic Boy

To those who knew him -
His friends -
We called him Roy.
To others he was known
As that horrible Toxic Boy.

He loved ammonia and asbestos,
And lots of cigarette smoke.
What he breathed in for air
Would make other people choke!

His very favourite toy
Was a can of aerosol spray;
He'd sit quietly and shake it,
And spray it all the day.

He'd stand inside the garage
In the early morning frost,
Waiting for the car to start
And fill him with exhaust.

The one and only time
I ever saw Toxic Boy cry
Was when some sodium chloride
Got into his eye.

One day for fresh air
They put him in the garden.
His face went deathly pale
And his body began to harden.

The final gasp of his short life
Was sickly with despair.
Whoever thought that you could die
From breathing outdoor air?

As Roy's soul left his body
We all said a silent prayer.
It drifted up to Heaven
And left a hole in the ozone layer.

~Tim Burton